Fried Indiana

Oh, hey.  Welcome back.  I still think you are a good person.

I went back to Indiana for Thanksgiving.  Dee and Scarlett came, too.  We stayed at my mom's house and we got to see my sister and all her kids and my brother and his pregnant wife.  They all seem to be having their own lives and contributing to society in some vague way.

I like Thanksgiving but it's not my favorite holiday.  I feel much the same way about turkey.  However, I've never had fried turkey and people tell me it's delicious.  Here are the reasons why I've never had fried turkey:

1) I've never, ever been in charge of the turkey for a Thanksgiving meal.
2) I'd be scared to death of burning down the house/severely burning myself.
3) If I've got a fryer going, there are about a thousand different things I'd fry before a turkey.

Jeffsgiving would look something like this:

Various cheeses and crackers.
Several different kinds of dip and chips.
Seared tuna steaks with my special wasabi or dijon mustard sauce.
Asparagus.
Some type of mashed potatoes.
Croissants.
Brownies with no icing, no chocolate chips, no nuts.  Just plain, non-cakey brownies.
Those Oreo ball things that Dee and I used to make all the time.
Several different types of Belgian White beers.

I do remember hearing something about Teddy Roosevelt being a sickly child but it's a vague memory and I'm not sure where it comes from.  It would be weird to know that future people might read about my bowel movements.  However, that's preferable to knowing that people might be reading about my masturbation habits.

I could tell you all sorts of poop stories.  It's a popular topic of conversation when you have a baby. Every time you feed them something new their bodies freak out and they either get crazy poops or they stop pooping altogether.  Changing diapers is like playing the poop lottery. 

Also, you should get a Kindle or something like it.  It makes big books much, much lighter.