Nerf Religion

Good time for a reset.

I did go to Notre Dame for the USF game on the 3rd.  It was poopy, poopy, asscrapular.  Notre Dame played some really sloppy football and lost.  Also, two major lightning storms swept through the area and we had to evacuate the stadium twice.  During the first break my buddy and I headed over to the new Jordan Science building to check out the labs and such -- he was a chemistry major at ND.  As we entered the building I said, "Check your religion at the door," which got a good chuckle out of him.  Despite all the witty quips and good chuckles, it ended up being a six hour affair and I was wiped out by the end of the day.  I have tickets for this weekend's game, too.  I hope the weather and the play on the field is much better than the play of the last two weeks.  Man, shit's been brutal in Notre Dame land recently.

Anyway, my point is that religion is dumb.  Much like Fantasy Football.

I'm so glad I decided to drop out of the league.  Now that the NFL season has started, I'm remembering what a pain it was to worry about players other than Peyton Manning.  The whole time I played last season, I kept thinking, "Why do I suddenly give a damn about Michael Crabtree?"  He's dumb and his face is dumb and I just want to watch the games.

Stand-up is fucking insane.  As you know, I've done it one time.  I only had to do five minutes of material, which is absolutely nothing.  However, I didn't really realize that you don't have to wrap up at exactly five and you can push it a little.  They're not going to run up and take your mic away.  Still, I was scared to death.  It was the first time I puked before a performance in a very long time.  I think I did pretty well.  Jamie Jirak was there running lights and she said I did very well.  I told a bunch of jokes about being adopted.  I put on my Jerry Seinfeld voice and was all, "What's the deal with being adopted?  It sure does make you feel like discarded trash."  I brought the house down with that one.

Everyone was very funny.  I was surprised at how nervous you seemed.  I figured you'd be all super calm and collected and just be all, "Boop, boop, bop," and we'd all lose our shit.  You make improv look so easy, I figured you'd make that look easy, too.  My plan was to just tell a story where I got to say "twat" a lot.

Dee and I could never take our dog camping.  First, she's allergic to everything.  Second, she barks at any noise that she thinks might possibly threaten her.  Third, she's scared of most everything that is outside.  Fourth, don't ever get a dog.

Coffee is gross and people who are pretentious about coffee are gross.  That lady sounds awful.  I want to smack her in the face with a comically oversized Nerf spoon.  More things should be made of Nerf.