The Effect of Personal Effects

An arthritic hip isn't nearly as bad as an arthritic vagina.  Wait, I think I'm confusing arthritis and yeast infections.  They're both itchy, right?

Yes, high pigtails are porny.  Low pigtails are much more acceptable and slightly reminiscent of the late 60s which is also kinda sexy.  I'll always look twice at a girl who has found an interesting way to pull back her hair.  I mean, before I got married I did that.  Now all women except my wife look like sexless automatons to me.  I'm sure you're still very pretty, though.

You're probably right about the punctuation inside the quotes.  It looks stupid outside the quotes.  I'm sure we'll both look it up someday and I'll stuff my punctuation back inside the quotes.

I have some gear in my office but not nearly enough to live here for an extended time.  However, I do have a large silo of oatmeal in my drawer.  In an emergency I could use it for sustenance or to build a protective wall.  I also have a heart rate monitor.  I've learned to keep as few personal effects in my office as possible.  At my old company I was moved to a new cube about twice a year.  When you have to pack that often you learn to get rid of a lot of unnecessary shit.  For my last three moves there I only needed one box.  I was way too proud of that.

I'm glad my gym provides towels.  I wouldn't want to have to deal with storing a wet towel every day.  Wet towels are better at growing organisms than Petri dishes.

I like that you have a snuggie at work.  I will forever picture you at your desk in your snuggie.  Dee has a snuggie and I steal it all the time.  However, it annoys me that it's just a bath robe worn backwards.  It's purely a creation of marketing.  Well done, snuggie inventor.

What is it about honey bottles that make people children?  Why can't anyone use a honey bottle without getting honey all over it?  Every time I grab the bottle in our break room, it's covered with honey.  It's really easy to keep honey from getting everywhere if you have any physical coordination at all.  I know for a fact no one on my floor has cerebral palsy, so that's not an excuse.  It would be the only legitimate excuse.