Good, Happy People

Well, crap and darn.  You have a completely reasonable explanation for your failure to post.  Unfortunately, it probably means that you didn't have time to wash your bra.  I'm unnaturally worried about your bra.

You got to stay with Howie and Tracy!  That's awesome.  How are they doing?  The only information I get about them is from Twitter, so I know that Howie is hosting a show at Second City and that Tracy recently had a bra mishap.  It seems like they are doing well.  They are good people and I want them to be happy.

Then there's Laurianne.  Is she still doing that beauty pageant project?  When I last talked to her, she was in the midst of that project.  I'm sure she looks like some kind of Greek goddess now.  How the hell is she doing?  She's a good person and I also want her to be happy.

Did anything else cool happen to you in California?

I've never seen the Starburst all reds mix.  Did they include the pink in that mix?  I feel like no one talks about the pink.  It's nobody's favorite but it's nobody's least favorite, either.  It's the pink-headed stepchild of the Starburst family.

It's stupid that we call them "fruit salads."  It's just a bunch of fruit in a freaking bowl.  We should call it "fruit."  Sure, thanks for chopping it up for me and removing the rinds but it isn't a salad.  If fruit in a bowl is a salad then Chex Mix and Gardetto's are salads.  Also, the Midwest is not the best place to find a fruit salad.

This "book" that Dee was reading wasn't a book in the classic sense.  There is no narrative.  It's simply pictures of various bugs with boldly colored designs.  For example, there is a moth/butterfly with checkered wings and a snail with a black and white swirl on its shell.  The only word on each page is either the name of the bug, the pattern on the bug or the sound the bug makes.  For example, the snail page reads, "SNAIL," the bee page reads, "BUZZ" and the moth/butterfly page reads, "CHECK."  It's really quite confusing and inconsistent.  Good thing Scarlett is not old enough to retain any of this drivel yet.

I've always been curious about laser whitening.  I'm afraid that I'll be the guy whose teeth are so white they look blue.  My dentist has recommended that I use this paste to cover the lower half of my front teeth in order to give them a uniform color.  Basically, the bottom of my front teeth are exposed to the air when I sleep at night and this causes them to be a different color than the top of my teeth which are covered by my lip.  The paste would serve to cover that bottom part and...  well, you get it.  I'm boring myself with this right now.  Sorry for putting you through that.

I discovered the culprit in the case of the sticky honey bear.  One of the ladies makes a tiny cup of tea every morning but she unscrews the lid to the honey bear and pours a shit ton -- seriously a SHIT TON -- of honey into the tiny cup of tea.  If I was lame, I'd make the "you want some tea with your honey" joke.  Instead, I said, "I don't appreciate grabbing a honey bottle coated in honey every day.  Do you think you could dispense it through the spout like the rest of us?"  She looked at me like I was an asshole but then wiped the bottle off.  I win.  I think.