Dipping a toe in...

Jeff –

Hey.  Wow.  We’re public now.  The world must not be denied our self-satisfied drivel any longer.

So, we’re a little behind.  For example, we have not talked at all about you having a baby.  Who, I presume, has a little behind of her own.  I was just going to ask what that’s like, (being a father, not your baby’s butt) but that seems a little broad and harrowing.  (The question, not your baby’s butt).  So, here is an outline of questions about your new-found fatherdom:

I. The birth

     A. Were you in the delivery room?

     B. Was it gross?

            i. Or was it so beautiful and thrilling and magical that you didn’t even notice all the poo and goo and tiny people flying out of your wife’s junk?

     C. Did you smoke a cigar afterward?

            i. Was that gross?

     D. Did you cry?

            i. Did you feel like a pussy because you did?

            ii. Did you feel like an asshole because you didn’t?

II. The baby

      A. Does she cry a lot?

      B. Do you feel creepy changing her diaper?

      C. What is her latest milestone?  (I never know what babies “should” be able to do.  If you said she could walk, I’d be like, “Oh, okay that makes sense.”  I’d say the same if you said she just learned how to open her eyes.) 

III. You with a baby

     A. Do you get much sleep?

     B. Do you ever forget you have a kid and then while you’re conducting a meeting or something, think, “I am a dad now”?

            i. Did I punctuate the previous question incorrectly?

     C.  Do you just want to buy her little outfits all the time?

            i.  Or do you want her to just have a few in rapid rotation because she’ll just grow out of them/get shit and barf on them soon anyway?

IV. Your baby’s butt

     A. What is it like?

Okay, that’s it for baby questions for now.  I’m sure I’ll have more later.

           

So, I realized on the bus last night that I have this weird sort of self-involvement.  It’s not like I don’t consider other people – I just assume that they are like me.  The catalyst to this was thinking, “Everyone on this bus must be so excited to come home from rehearsal and see their boyfriend, who will finally be back from his camping trip.”  Probably not the case…  Similarly, I usually take the day off from work on my birthday.  When I go outside on that day and see people wandering around enjoying themselves instead of being at work, I always immediately think that it must be their birthday too.   Does this make me an egotist, or just stupid?  

Baby butt,
Tristan