Thursday, June 30, 2011

More Unwelcome Candy Bars

Why did these childhood gaps happen?  I'm fairly certain your parents were not hippies.  I feel like that's the only reason kids ever don't know about important things like Transformers and Gushers.  I have major childhood music gaps.  This was because pop music did not interest me.  I only wanted to listen to oldies and musical soundtracks.  Obviously, I was super-cool.  I know almost nothing about New Kids on the Block.  I think one is named Jordan and one is Mark Wahlberg's brother, and I think they aren't the Backstreet Boys.

I like Belgian Whites and Tripels too, generally.  I don't think they're wimpy.  Maybe it's because they're a little fruitier?  Tasting, that is.  You know Chris is starting a brewery, right?  He makes some really great fruity beers.  Tasting, that is. 

Actually, I am a little surpised about you being enraged about the candy bar.  I could predict you  being mildy grumbly or something, but why angry?  Who cares?  I think it's charming.  World, send me candy bars.  This sounds like something I would do.  Should I not? 

You know my living situation, right?  Chris and I have moved in together, but my lease with Molly was up June 1st, and Chris' isn't up until August 1st, so I'm shacking up with him and his roommate for a couple months.  I mean, I'm paying rent.   But I have still invaded their home.  It's sort of like being on vacation though.  The vast majority of my belongings are in storage.  It sort of makes me realize that I don't need a vast majority of my belongings. 

Anyway, the roommate, Kris, (thank goodness for the spelling difference!) is moving to San Francisco in a couple weeks, so he had a going away show at Subterranean last night.  It was awesome.  BUT.  There was a lady there.  A crazy, crazy lady. 

The outfit: Vintage short black shift dress with weird sleeves and decorative piping.  Elbow length gloves.  A black purse that had big red lips for a handle.  Gold high heels.  An embroidered handkerchief with which she held her plastic cup of beer. 

The offense:  She kept parading around directly in front of the stage, filming the show on her iPad.  Just walking back and forth, holding it over her head.  She would tilt it one way or another, or sometimes toss and catch it, all while filming.  I don't know if iPad cameras don't have zooms, and apparently she doesn't either, because she kept walking forward and back to zoom.  Which is why she needed to go up on stage with Kris to get a good enough close-up of him.  It's not like he was on a stool - he was dancing around and playing guitar and stuff.  He kept having to dodge her and her FUCKING iPad.  It was so weird.  I filmed her a little with my phone for some meta-comedy, and then she started filming me back from the stage.  After some REALLY artistic shots of Kris through the lips-handle of her purse, she came back down front and started responding really loudly to something Kris said in-between songs, and trying to engage me in conversation about some weird thing that happened outside.  I just kept saying "crazy" at her.  I think she thought I meant about what happened to her outside.  I didn't. 

The weirdest thing was that she totally acted like she was on drugs, but seemed to have so much control over her body.  I feel fairly certain that if I were trying to film something on an iPad with gloves on and high, I would have dropped it.  A lot.  And fallen in my golden high heels.  But she never faltered. 

At the last show I saw of Kris', it was at a cafe, and a mom and daughter came in selling candy bars in the middle of a song.  They had clearly just bought them from the nearby Walgreen's.  They were not the fundraiser kind.  Kris bought some and gave them to the audience.

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