Long coffins

Isn't it weird that we start out so little and get bigger for so long, and then stop after puberty? Wouldn't it be cool if people just grew and grew until they died?  If it kept going at the same rate as childhood growth, by the time you were 80, you'd be like 32 feet tall.  (This is based on a very shoddy formula of growing about 4 feet every 10 years.)  You'd know how old people were by how many tree branch scratches they had on their foreheads.  If you were old enough to see their foreheads, that is. 

Basketball would be a very different sport.

Maybe Libya and Afghanistan are actually the names of men that that guy's wife is cheating on him with.  But she wears disguises to get to and from their homes, so the guy doesn't recognize her.

Good point.  Horses would be terrible at reassembling an egg.  So would men.  Why didn't the king send some ladies?  Their hands are much daintier.

My gym is weird.  It is really cheap, and it's women only.  SO, it has a very interesting clientele.  I feel like in a co-ed gym, there's a little more self-awareness than you get at an all-ladies one.  I would like to point out that I attend because it is near my office - not because I'm afraid of men.  I should also point out that it isn't Curves.

Here are some people that go to my gym:

-Boob Job
-New Boob Job  (formerly Jump Rope Badass)
-Patty Shadow (She looks like Patty Blagojevich, and always makes a point of standing RIGHT behind me in classes so that she can follow my steps if she can't see the teacher.)
-Cargo Creeper (Always wears cargo pants, and in the course of an aerobics class, she will have stood pretty much everywhere at some point.)
-Knee Socks
-Crazy Noodles (Asian lady who modifies every move in class to be harder/wilder/flailier, sacrificing rhythm in the process)
-The Beaver (She, um, looks like a beaver.  She's also SUPER old.)
-Hobo (Surely a homeless person doesn't belong to my gym?  And yet...)
-Vertigo (Loves to talk about how she has it.)
-Old Naked Fat Lady

I'm not really sure about Rusty Nails.  Here are my guesses:
1) He has red hair.
2) He is so dirty that you feel like you would contract tetanus if you touched him.
3) His fingernails are dirty.
4) That is actually his name.