HD Science

Oh, a peepee dick squirt.  Yeah, the peepee squirt works exactly like you thought.  At least for me.

I don't know how hard it is to steer a Space Shuttle with a popped tire.  It could be very dangerous.  Though, it still probably wouldn't rank very highly on the Space Shuttle disaster list.

I actually don't mind going to the ballpark for a ballgame.  It's nice to be outside with your friends drinking a beer and watching a sporting event that you don't really have to pay much attention to in order to keep up with what is going on.  In fact, each summer I go to a different Major League ballpark with some of my college friends.  It's fun, but mostly because my friends are awesome.  They enjoy baseball much more than I do.  They also enjoy baseball more than they enjoy me.

Football games are great.  There is downtime between plays, but the real downtime is during the TV timeouts.  Fortunately (read: unfortunately), NFL stadiums have enormous JumboTrons with which to entertain you during that downtime.  They also blare loud rock or rap music so you are not ever bored.  Ever.  At Notre Dame games, there is no loud music or JumboTrons because, well, Notre Dame takes pride in making us all feel like we live in the '50s.  It's a good time to check other scores on your phone, you know, because we don't live in the '50s.

Basketball is fun to watch, but only the last five minutes.

I've not felt the urge to give Scarlett a plastic bag to play with.  Ask me again when she's 13.

Five Guys is great for what it is.  It's not crappy non-burgers like McDonald's or Burger King.  It's a step up from that but it's not one of those enormous steak burgers you get a fancy restaurants.  They are kinda in the same category as M Burger or Shake Shack.  Anyway, they are good fast food burgers and the fries are fantastic.  Dee and I prefer the Cajun style fries.  Try it at least once.

I was going to hammer you with reasons to go to Five Guys, but I don't have the energy today.  I was going to make all sorts of awesome comparisons and analogies and there would have been bullet points and possibly even diagrams, but it occurred to me that we're all dying so what's the point?

I don't think I ever took special intelligence tests, but I did score highly on the Iowa Basics and that earned me the right to go to a summer school where we got to pick out fun classes to take.  It was like college except they didn't grade us and we just did cool shit like build model rockets and contraptions to hold eggs that we would then throw off the top of the bleachers.  If your egg didn't break, you were labeled SCIENCE GENIUS.  I took two pieces of styrofoam, hollowed out a place for the egg and strapped them together with rubber bands.  My egg did not break.  SCIENCE GENIUS.

I didn't realize that I was missing anything by not watching sports in HD until I saw sports in HD.  Everything is so much more clear.  It's easier to tell if a dude stepped out of bounds and small details like that.  Plus, I never realized how much the players tended to blend together in Standard Def until I saw HD.  I couldn't give a shit about watching 30 Rock in HD.  It doesn't get funnier.  Sports are definitely better, though.

You cut yourself much worse than I did.  Mine didn't even draw blood.  I just sliced into the skin and made a flap.  I was able to do all the things that I normally did except sometimes the flap would get caught open and it would feel weird.

I broke my hand in college.  Thankfully it was my left hand.  However, it still made doing everyday things much harder.  Typing was super slow with one hand.  Going to the bathroom took forever and I would have to do a weird little dance to get everything situated back in my pants so I often went into the stalls instead of the urinals.

I have a sharp knife and I keep it well honed.  I'm not afraid to use it.  Especially on tomatoes.  How dare you suggest otherwise?