Swearing Senators

Eating your egg baby would make you look hungry.  Also, smart -- because you know what to do with a freaking egg.  Babies are not nearly as easy to break as an egg.  It's a poor substitute.  Also, eggs don't poop as much.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.  Cats eat their stillborn kittens?  Cats are fucked up.  Though, aren't there people who eat their child's placenta?  Is it the child's placenta or the mother's?  I guess it's the mother's.  Either way, don't be a cannibal.

The Fritz story upsets me.  Untethered animals in the city are not cool.  I hate it when people in my neighborhood don't leash their dogs.  Sure, your dog may be very well behaved and won't stray off into the street to get hit by a car, but do you know how it's going to react when another dog freaks out and starts barking at your unleashed dog?  Do you?  I can tell you from experience, no, you don't.  Now you have no way to restrain your dog and I'm forced to insert myself between my freaking out little dog and your enormous, enraged dog.  As if picking up feces didn't already ruin what might have been a nice walk.

Also, how do you know that Fritz won't try to eat you?

Also, also, I always assume that all cats are female -- even when they are named Fritz.

Did Rahm (I'm going to call him by his first name here) swear at you?  He's famous for swearing.  I wouldn't feel like I'd gotten the full Rahm experience unless he swore at me.  Next time you see him, maybe you can say something like, "Hey, Mr. Mayor, let's do swears!"  Then when he calls you a cunt, you can be all, "Nice one, motherfucker."  You'll both laugh and when you try to high five him, his bodyguard will take you down.

I never got used to people addressing my dad as "Senator Ford."  Once he got elected, all of his mail was addressed to "The Honorable David C. Ford."  Which is pretty cool but I thought he was honorable before he became a public servant, so it felt like everyone else was just late.  No one ever called him Mr. Senator because that would be stupid.  However, it would be a great name for an improv team or a band.

Now that our Apple TV supports Vimeo, Dee and I can watch Matrimonious on our TV.  Last night we watched Bickerfight, Gift, Coffee, Food, and Checkers before Scarlett got all fussy and had to go to bed.  You and Dan are delightful in these videos.  Delightful, I say.

Your ball/trampoline exercise reminds me of a device they had at a football camp I went to.  It was basically a football attached to a bungee cord.  The football was more like a whiffle football, though.  You attached the bungee cord to a fence or something behind you and then you threw the football as hard as you could and it would snap back and smack you in the face.  The next time you would be ready for how quickly it came back and you would catch it -- or at least shield your face.  Eventually, I got pretty good at it though I'm not really sure what it did to improve my quarterbacking skills.  It seems most beneficial to receivers and lonely people who have no one to play catch with.