Shuttles and Shells

Getting a good dick squirt isn't really that tricky at all, but I presume that you already know that. It's not too dissimilar from the way you thought penises worked as a child.

1. It starts out little.

2. You see/think about boobs and it fills up with blood until it gets big.

3. The owner (or lover/friend/drunken stranger) creates friction until jizz comes out.

4. It gets little again.

We never got on an airplane to take a family vacation. My mom hates flying. She also hates driving anywhere over an hour from her home. Good thing Dad liked to drive. He also loved to fly, but he usually preferred to be in the pilot's seat. Did you know that my uncle was able to get him into the Space Shuttle simulator so that he could try to land the Shuttle?  The first time he landed it, he popped one of the tires but the second time he brought it in nice and smooth. Either my dad is really good, or landing the Shuttle wasn't that different than landing a two seat Cessna. The point is that we were all about road trips.  Also, the beach is totally boring.

I completely forgot to mention that Cubs fans ruin an otherwise pleasant train ride. My travels are mostly on the north side so I don't really have to deal with Sox fans. Cubs fans suck. Growing up I use to kinda like the Cubs. I didn't learn to hate them until I moved to Chicago. I don't really like the Sox much either, but that's because baseball is even more boring than the beach.  Sox fans are fine. My wife is a Sox fan, kinda.

Peanut shells are the only acceptable litter. Unless you live in my neighborhood, then everything is acceptable litter. They should sell unshelled peanuts with an extra bag. The one place where it isn't acceptable to drop you peanut shells is Five Guys. They offer peanuts, but the floor is never covered in shells. I love Five Guys.

I've done physical therapy for my back.  It was fantastic.  Massages and stretching and cute nurses.  All paid by insurance.  Doesn't get much better than that.  The staff even came to see one of my improv shows.

I think picture quality is way more important than screen size.  Unfortunately, Dee and I are stuck in the Dark Ages because I can't convince Directv to break their rules in order to get HD in to my home.  We're stuck watching shit in Standard Definition until we move.  I've thought about ambushing the Directv guy as soon as he comes into our place and knocking him out with chloroform.  Then I'd grab his gear and set it up myself. When he wakes up I'd be all, "Dude, you totally passed out.  You should probably take the day off and go see a doctor.  Now get out."  I hate it.  I just want to watch sports in HD.

I read your post last night when I got home and then sliced my thumb while making dinner.  I was dicing a tomato.  There's nothing I hate more than dicing tomatoes.  I can never get it right.  I've watched videos online about how to do it right and I still never get it right.  Tomatoes are assholes.