Dr. Facebook

Guess what, lady?  All babies hate the snot-sucker bulb thing.  They're going to cry and wail, but sometimes you need to do things that your baby doesn't like for its own good.  Reasonable things, of course.  Certainly not stupid things like shooting breast milk up its nose straight from your boob.  Life lessons you should teach your child should not involve teaching them what it feels like to drown.  Suck it up and suck it up -- with the bulb.  It's not that bad if you do it right.

Also, Facebook is not the place to get that kind of advice.  There are plenty of other baby sites with actual experts and, I don't know, CALL YOUR FUCKING DOCTOR!

I would say that I think less of you because you like Glee, but you like all of that stupid musical stuff that I hate so I'll let it go.  Also, I don't like Rent.

You're telling me that Chris had never been to either of the Disneyland/Disney World parks?  I would like to speak with his parents.  Or maybe he went when he was really little and didn't remember?  Or maybe his perspective has changed now that he's an adult?  Regardless, I totally remember the "It's a Small World" ride being really weird and trippy.  Even as a kid I was confused by it.

I'll add cold to my list of salad requirements.

Damn, dude.  You would have totally loved painting.  You would have put on some Broadway show tunes and your Little Mermaid soundtrack and had a grand old time.  Then you would have had some of Chris's delicious beer after.  Is that the proper punctuation of the possessive of your boyfriend's name?

I am not colorblind though my grandfather was.  When I was little I asked him how he knew when the traffic light turned green.  He said, "It's always the one on the bottom."  Then I asked him what he does at the intersections where they mount the lights sideways.  He said, "I just always go and shout 'Look out!' out the window."  I believed him until I was in the car with him when we came to a sideways mounted light and he managed just fine without shouting out the window.

My other grandfather taught me how to tie my shoes so that they would never come untied and yet still act just like a regular shoe knot.  That's not really relevant.

We don't call each other "Mom" and "Dad" yet.  When talking to Scarlett, I'll refer to Dee as "Mom" or "Mommy" but I don't address her that way.  I still call her "Dee" or "Deanna" or "Denana" or "Donna" or "Donna Love" or "Donyonna" or "Donyonna the Lovemaker" or "Baby."  Sometimes when I'm talking to Scarlett I'll call Dee "Foodbags."  We call Ruthie "Poopers."