Undercover Mother

I am shocked, SHOCKED! to learn that you are unfamiliar with quinoa.  I blame America.  If you ever feel like strolling an extra block or two to get your lunch, there is a fantastic place called Protein Bar on Franklin and Adams that has a total boner for quinoa and makes lots of tasty things with it.  If you do go, don't go during regular lunch hours, because the line gets insane.  Like, Garrett's Popcorn-long, but with fit young people instead of old obese ones.  You can also find it in bulk at Whole Foods, or SOMETIMES at Jewel, but only after you say "KEEN-WAH!  It looks like kwin-o-ah, but it's pronounced KEEN-WAH" and "it's a grain" about twenty times to the workers, until finally some other health-conscious guest overhears you and points you toward the one little hole in the shelf where it used to be before they sold out.

Note: Spellcheck hasn't even heard of quinoa.  It wants me to change it to "Quinta."
My mom had a silver Crown Victoria for a few years when I was a kid, and people always thought that it was an undercover cop car because that's what the Falmouth Police Department had.  They would always drive so slowly in front of us.  She would get quite impatient and peel around them.  She, like me, likes to drive well above the speed limit.

I love it when the pH e-mails devolve into bits.  I prefer it that way.  It makes me laugh.  Unless I'm actually trying to get answers from people, but have to weed out the jokes.  Like when I was trying to see who wanted to play fantasy football, but half of the replies were about elves.  I don't think the filters would help with that, though. 

Did I know that you were in the ROTC for a while?  I don't particularly find it shocking or anything - maybe a little.  Was this a please-my-dad kind of thing that didn't pan out? 

I took Microeconomics my Freshman year in college to please my dad.  Then I got a C- in it, and killed my GPA.  In my defense, the teacher was new, and clearly had no clue that intro courses are not supposed to be insanely hard.  I even had my friend Forbes, (right??) who was a Junior and an Econ major, look at my homework one time, and he hadn't learned some of the stuff we were getting tested on.  When more than half the class fails a test, you need to start thinking about changing your methods, or at least grade on a fucking curve.

Since that, I have never put another thought into doing something I really don't want to do just to make my dad happy.  If I used Twitter, I'd be all, "#wronglessonslearned" or "#nevertrynewthings" or some shit.

#twitterisdumb